Monday, September 29, 2008

50

Today was the first day that I stepped into the Training Area, since it was Recce Day. Things went by pretty fast and we managed to do quite a thorough check of the camp site. I would think that I will quite like the next month judging by the facilities and all.

Once again, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named managed to piss me off somehow. I guess it's just a different way of working. Since I am like quite the small bird here, I shall just back off and not do anything and shut the f**k up.

That leads me to think though, why am I even here when my grandmother is dying and my RQ is working so hard even as she battles everyday. What am I doing here?!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

52

I'm lazy to update today.. Basically it was a day spent on watching Constantine on Movie 6. There's really nothing much =/ I wanna go back to Singaporeeeeeeeee!

Friday, September 26, 2008

53

At a certain point of our little insignificant lives, we have to look at the realities and think, "What should I do for the rest of my life so that it means something?" At a certain point we have to wake up from our little dreams of living in a hamlet overseeing the greenest pastures, and rocking in the patio reading the newspaper. Even that elusive dream of being with who you really want to be with.

I have been thinking about this a lot, not just when I was here, but also back in Singapore. That was what that bout of wanting to sign on was about. And I cannot say that I have totally discounted the idea of doing so.. just that I was greatly discouraged by the lack of incentives.

The thing about dreams is that they stop you from really living. I find that I have dreamt up so many things and thought so idealistic of the whole world that I have forgotten that there are more than what I want to do to consider.

In the real world, there are bills to pay. That means that you will have to work for what you want. In the real world, people around you die if you are not careful enough. Why dream of loving someone who's not there when there are so many around you for you to love?

I guess a dream is really is just really something you have in mind for you to work towards to, something to motivate you, not something that dominates you.

For the umpteenth time, time to wake up, Mr Suan!

杰倫新曲!! 

周董终于又出了一首《稻香》。新专辑试否就要出现了呢?=)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

54

This was a long day. We started discussing food with the contractors and it turned out to be quite fruitful. Seems like we are not wasting our time after all! And we managed to give quite a good update to G4.

You know, in life you meet different people who have so many different views and thoughts. Thoughts that may not necessarily coincide with yours. Hopefully I can control myself enough to work with him. I mean, he's not a bad guy. I just dislike people who try to be politically correct and just look out for the own benefit. People who want to show off their stuff and knowledge without really having much of it. Okay, he's not so bad.. but it's just the vibe. Wrong frequency!

Anyways, we had a very extended brief to G4, causing us to only take dinner at 8 plus. That meant that we had to go to Big W again. Wah.. I saw some very chio girls at the food stalls =)) But I think angmoh body composition is quite screwed up. Big asses and big melons. I still like Asians - we are more well proportioned. Hahas.. I had a good feast though. Hehs.

Did I mention that the servings were huge? I had Creamy Chicken and Mushroom Pasta and it was better than Pastamania's cos of the REAL and BIG CHUNKSA chicken. Really really filling and wholesome. Hahas. Who would have known that microwaved food can be this good?

I think the people here think that we are aliens. Well, we literally are, actually. Hmm.. there was this goth guy who high-fived me, and a lady who stopped one of the Warrant Officers and asked what we were doing there.. And I thought coming out in the local newspaper was publicity enough.

I'm quite tired now.. so I'll just retire. Tomorrow seems to be rather free for me. I wonder what I'll do..

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

55

We, the people in my block, are getting so bored in the evenings that we resort to walking up and down the aisle visiting each other. Which is sad. You see, people in the-place-next-to-the-place-with-the-haka rest really really early - like 4.30pm early. And it gets dark by 6.30pm so your body clock really screws up because you keep thinking that it's real late when it's not. Especially when in Singapore, it's two hours earlier. Like you there would have just left camp or school or wherever the crap you study/work at. And you wouldn't even have thought of dinner. I'm already thinking of sleep.

I became depressed enough to nap for a while after dinner today. Gosh. I think when you have only a small group of people living together, it gets rather claustrophobic. Claustrophobic in the sense that you can't just walk away or avoid some minute detail that you do not like. And as a guai lan person, you'd just be really affected by it. Darn.

Anyways, we received bad news of another screw up today. Not exactly our fault, but it was quite an impact nonetheless. When you have been in my line long enough, you'd realise that everything is your fault even if it isn't really. Because we are supposed to be the perfect people churning out things while mindless people just use them and chuck them somewhere. -insert vicious swearword-

Everything's still kind of vague now because we are unable to move. They only allow us to go in on 29th, and it kind of slows us down a bit. We can't really see, and we can't really rush ourselves, which is frustrating. In Singapore, we were all so used to working till our butts stuck to the chair, but right here, it's almost as if they were forcing us to move them to the malls. Hmmm..

I need some contact before I go crazy. Haix.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

56.

The day of work was much shorter today. Like I said before, I feel totally unnecessary here. I can be killed by stampeding wallaroos and nothing would matter. That said, I feel totally proud of my inventory which I created out of what the contractor gave me. It's like super colourful and I finished it in a matter of 2 hours, giving me a full picture of where all the stores are gonna go and what stores I have waiting for me in the containers that I packed over.

We went to Big W today for a mini shopping spree to get the stress off our heads and I finally bought my body wash! Man, imagine showering with just shampoo and water for two days! Now I can feel a semblance of cleanliness on me. And I got me a comb too... if my hair still has about 2 months of growing to do, I think I should start to tame it.

On other news, I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! I know, I know. You probably read that like a year back. But I bought it only at $22.42 but stupid you got it at almost $60! Hahahas.. But I must say, it was a good ole gripping read. Wonder if its just me, but it seems to be a faster read than any other Harry Potter.

Time seems to be moving quite slowly now. There are so many things that we are discussing but can do nothing much about. It's like a waiting game, and everything hinges on the units arriving and us getting our acts together so that everyone leaves happy and so that all the wrongs that have been done can be corrected.

I wonder how my grandma is now.. Hopefully she is alright. Hopefully all of you back in Singapore are alright too.. Pray for me yeah? Pray for steadfastness, endurance and faith to complete what I have to do and not to let negative feelings or thoughts overcome me in my boredom. Hahahas..

Okay. I really have nothing much to say anymore.. Til later!

Monday, September 22, 2008

57

Hello again, and it's me from Place-Bigger-Than-A-Stone-But-Smaller-Than-A-Boulder.

It's the second day, and I'm feeling really tired. Is this jet lag? Hahas.. It's strange because it's now 6 pm here but it's supposed to be just 4 pm in Singapore. And I woke up at 4 am today. Just kept falling asleep when the Commander here was briefing us on what we are to do and what to observe.

Frankly speaking, I am feeling quite inadequate here. Almost like I am not needed. I guess that's because my work will only really start (and suck) when the exercise troops start coming in. Right now I just have to study all the data that I have and hope for the best. =/

Getting dizzy spells lately. I suspect I might have gotten hypertension from all the excess flab. FUCK. Hopefully the Go-Overseas-Get-Slim plan works. So far it's not.. Hahas...

Okay. See you again!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

58

I just landed in The-Place-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named and got transferred to the Domestic Airport. True to my professional blogger ethics, I have decided to risk writing down everything so that my millions of readers (The Power of POSITIVE THINKING!) can get this back at home =)

The first thing that struck me about Place-Where-Domestic-Airport-Resides was the strange fact that there were so many buildings near the airport. And heavy industries, for that matter. You know, back at Changi, there was nothing near the runway except for, well, the Prison. But right here, it seems like they built Jurong Island right next to Place-Where-Domestic-Airport-Resides International! Talk about environmental consciousness eh!

In all Singaporean style, my captain who was with me check out the price for a bottle of Coke right after we landed. Make a wildddd guess. THREE FUCKING DOLLARS! That makes it about $3.50 Sing. Expensive sia!

We then went to the train platform to get to the Domestic Airport for Somewhere-Larger-Than-Stony. Well, it was quite peculiar in my view, cos the Domestic Airport was much bigger than the International one. I guess that's because the population of Place-Where-Domestic-Airport-Resides is larger than that of the rest of the world? Go figure.

Just had a Subway sandwich. Looks like some things are the same wherever you go. Just that Burger King is called Hungry Jacks here and you place your order to an angmoh.

It's really rather disconcerting because of their accent. I can barely make out what they are saying and it's just total strangeness. I guess it's my Asian inferiority complex kicking in. Shrugs. Worst still is the Asians who speak with the accent. Totally weird. And to have angmohs serving me instead of the other way round is just. Wrong. Hmmm.

Alright. That's all the time I have for now. Until next time!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

so long, beloved.

It's finally come to this. A little more than 6 hours to check in, and I haven't really begun to pack my luggage yet. Well, the gortex jacket just went in, if you really want to know the details.. and I had to vacuum my brother's kit bag cos mine was destroyed when we came back from Taiwan the other time.

I am feeling quite apprehensive about the whole thing, and I was moody for the most of these past two weeks because of this. I mean. It's 2 months! In two months so many things can happen.. I am so rooted now to my job and my home that I cannot imagine transplanting myself to some foreign country for so long.

Top of my worries now is how my grandmother will be doing.. She just got admitted into the hospital 2 days back because she had a heart attack in the middle of the night. The doctor says that she would have to get a stent to clear the artery.. But I know what happens when old people go to the hospital... I mean. She is quite old now. I really don't know if she can take such a big surgery. The doc said that they would have to do a scope first to determine the extent of the damge. And that will be done next week. In my heart I'm thinking. What if something happens, and I am not here?

You know, it's really sadistic of us to want to see our loved ones die in our culture. And it's supposed to be filial to do so. I don't know.. I just hope that it doesn't happen any time soon. I mean, I know people have to die, and she is of age now, so it can be any time, but I really don't know what will happen when she does go. How will the dynamics of our already weirdly strained extended family change again?

The old are really the strings that hold all of us together. Without them, we are just like floating debris, drifting without purpose.

Then of course, I worry for my RQ. I doubt she will be able to handle the massive amounts of shitwork (sai gang) I left behind for her. Not to mention the fact that she is still sick. Frankly speaking, I think I am a selfish bastard for being glad that she is back to cover the work. What she has is so much more important than all these silly account balancing and talking to other poeple about unresolved crap.

What she really needs to do is to stay at home and rest and love her children, go with her daughter to Australia to look at the university, go with her son to the golf course and watch him play. Those things. Not slaving for a job that can only kill you.

Now that I am about to leave, there would be no one to guard them anymore. I know, staying here means little too.. But at least in my little way, I would have been able to look from a distance and help out if I can. Now that I'm gone, everything is left in the cruel hands of Fate.

Hopefully when I come back, everything would be alright. =)

Friday, September 19, 2008

摘星

Did I mention that I was finally going to take my piano examinations next year? It has been 6 years since I started playing the piano, yet I have never took up the courage to really go for the exams. I never could quite see an old guys along with so many young little kids showing how well they can play.

That said, I guess the only way to move forward is to challenge myself, to do just the thing that I wouldn't dare to do. That's why I wanted to take the exams. I want to fulfill the dream of being able to play for my wife when I get old and useless =)

Anyways, I went to watch these chain of flash videos that got me thinking of playing the piano in the first place, other than the fact that the person I liked that that time could play the piano. Hahas..

These are really good. So go watch them okae? It'll keep you entertained while I'm gone.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

mr suan is...

leaving on 21st September 2008, 0010 hrs.

Friday, September 12, 2008

the new fat me!

You know, at the end of the day, it's just gonna be you. So live happy. Live happy.

final theory.

PASSED!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

83.5?!!!!

Today was another day spent on trying to clear all of the paperwork from the previous exercise before I finally fly off. It is totally killing me, I tell you. I can't see myself finishing at all. It's just too time consuming. And my desk has no space!!! Every fucking inch is covered with paper. That's how bad it is. Man.. And it would help if my clerks actually can help instead of just knowing how to fax and raise purchases and going to online forums... Argh.

Managed to spend some time visiting my missing men too.. Haix. There are so many people who are on long term MC! I am actually quite worried for them. It's actually quite a shock for me that there are so many people with REAL problems in Singapore. I always lived in a incubated environment where I thought the worst thing that could happen to someone was to have their parents die or something. But really, my QM tour taught me that there are so many people out there who have so many more problems and that I am really truly blessed being in the situation I am in. At least I am not facing eviction, conviction, or anything.

I had dinner with Tan Long and Friend. And when we were talking later on, he also mentioned that so many of us are so blessed and fortunate that we don't have the impetus to improve. I guess that is pretty true. So what if we have the brains and the means, we have no motivation to move forward.

What is my drive? What is the one thing behind me that causes me to step forward? I feel that I am still searching for it. For so long, I hoped that it would be someone, or God. But then I realise that it must be something in me. Some kind of lofty ideal to hold up my own sky.

You know, I don't see myself working really hard for a long time. I wish to travel the world and to life moment to moment, capturing each memory and holding it for as long as it would have me. I want to kayak, I want to cycle, I want to shoot photographs all around the globe. At least for now. Hahas..

What do you want to do for the rest of your life?

Monday, September 08, 2008

trooops!

ZOMG! I just stumbled on this totally cool blog shop that sells the shades that 木村拓哉 wears in Change!
I am actually thinking of buying quite a few of their sunglasses already. It's supposedly totally the fashion now in Korea/Japan/anywhere-that's-not-Singapore. Check these out. They actually take their own photographs and all. Wahhh..
I'm thinking of buying the yellow one and black one. What do you think? But I think I won't be able to match it with any of my clothes leh.. Hahas..

Pamela is thinking of buying the whole shop already right? Lols.

I can't wait for them to come up with some guy clothes. HOPEFULLY WITH MY SIZE RANGE and not some tall skinny type. =/

So what are you waiting for? Go visit TROOOPS!

Cos I'm Leavin' on a Jet Plane....

I am quite surprised that not a lot of people know that I will be gone for quite a while to the country where Heath Ledger came from. I guess I never did publicise it a lot. Just in case you miss me too much and wonder why I ignored your smses / calls / tags / comments / wall posts, while I am gone, here's the official out-of-office assistant...

Hi There,

I will be gone from 20 Aug 08 to 22 Nov 08 on Exercise -bleep- in -!@#$A%-. Don't miss me, I know you won't =)

Mr Suan

Saturday, September 06, 2008

There are so many things that I want to say but cannot... It seems that I have lost that ability to express what I am thinking or feeling.

They sort of come out as music in my head. In slow tunes and flashes of memories here and there. It's a light kind of feeling, instead of the intensities like when I was younger. A tinge of wishing life could be rewound and lived again so that I could smell and taste the yesteryears and relive those beautiful days where the sun felt so refreshing and we could smell the astroturf as we prepared for assembly. Ahh..

I am growing up too fast. Lord, let me wake up in as a secondary school student!

Friday, September 05, 2008

candles

There was a Mid Autumn Festival celebration near the train station when I came home. At first the getai attracted me since it was playing a song I heard in 12 Lotus which I watched yesterday with Pamela.

Then as I got closer I saw little kids playing with lanterns and candles. You know, when I was about that age, I remember going for the same getai/fun fair thing and playing with the same candles. I remember being so enamoured with a simple candle, just giving off heat and light by itself. It was just so beautiful in the night...

Something in me just felt warm and fuzzy again. =)
 
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