my first weekend!

in a month. Wahh.. Time feels so slow.. I don't ever want to go back to work!

We have finally finished packing for ******* and now it's time for me to rest a little bit before I disappear for 2 months. Suddenly feel like being into a blitz relationship! So that I can recharge and feel good. Hmm. Selfish hor?

Idealism.

I'm taking a risk by blogging here cos well, cyber walls have ears. Hopefully I don't get Mashed Slashed and Diced!

Do you remember a time when you were still in that emo stage, and everything was so painfully melancholic? Like an sms would keep you thinking all day, and all the sad songs have a certain special meaning, almost as if it was written just for that particular moment in your life.

Do you remember thinking about a special someone and how times were so beautiful and sparkling together?

I miss those times.

You know, I am reminded once again of a journal entry which I wrote in Primary School about how I wanted to grow up so that I could have more control of my life (well, I didn't actually write that, but I meant it) so that my parents would not quarrel as much.

Well, now I realised how wrong I was. Growing up means giving up that special something in your heart that makes it beat slightly faster. Growing up means getting used to life being unfair. Growing up means expecting people to be baddies instead of good guys. Growing up means being disappointed at others and their actions.

Do you remember a time much earlier, when you did something and expected a certain response and often got it? Like how you would demand a Potong ice-cream from Mum and get it. Or how you will whine about that Power Ranger and eventually get your hands on one.

Now think. What is the one thing that you really want? Do you even know? And if you do, what is stopping you from just asking for it? Because we have stopped believing, and stopped receiving.

I wish naivette didn't hurt as much, so that we can all be naive people. Because naive people believe and dare to go out there and grab what they want. So yes, I want to be naive. No one stop me with your realistic mumbo jumbo about pragmatism and survival and what-nots.

Because this is what I am. And this is what I will be.

slack slack!

I have been getting these dizzy spells and migraines with much frequency lately. And true to my genes (from my Dad's side), I started wondering if I had something (other than my brain) up in my head. Well, if it happened to RQ, it could happen to me right? Someone once said that there would be 1 in 3 people who will have some sort of cancer by the year 2050. Hmm.

Anyways! Because of one such dizzy spell, I got easily seduced by CSM's idea of going home during lunch time. So we both stowed away in his Vios, him to his lovely shopping trip with his wife, and me back home to reading and sleeping and indiscretions..

This entry is about MILESTONES. I have 2 to report.

Number 1: I just finished reading Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell! It has 1008 freaking pages and is the longest thing I have read so far since.. Harry Potter? But this was closer to Sophie's World in terms of its plot. So winding and dark. Argh.

Truth be told I have this very bad habit of reading too many books at the same time and end up not finishing any. And it's particularly agonising when I have to finish one. I don't believe you can begin to imagine the number of books I have begun reading and not finished. Suzanne Clark is one lucky author. Hahas..

Anyways, it was a very good read. The pace was just right throughout, and there were enough twists for you to want to keep reading it to find out what was going on. There was also a good play on the personalities in the book that is much of an exposé on the contradictions of human character. Go read it! (if you have a lot of time or if you can stand reading something for a month)

Number 2!: I JUST WENT SWIMMING!!!!!!

I feel like.....


or...



MORE LIKE.......



Woot! I finally picked up enough willpower to will my fat ass out of the rosewood sofa and out of the house. I feel so accomplished! =)

Did 30 laps and felt a sufficient ache in my deltoids to stop. I haven't swam in at least 4 months! And I haven't even really exercised in 2 months. How absolutely disgusting. Hahas.. But now I am determined to keep exercising! Flab be gone!

But seriously, I think the new fatness is starting to show signs of threatening my health. Like constant backaches and tired wakings, and random headaches. Time to get rid of this cardiac attack/diabetes/hypertension/stroke/whatever-f-fat-causes belly!

GREEN TEA!

iPhone 3G is OUT!

如果你是科技白痴，或像我一样呆在兵营太久了，那就让我宣布一个迟来的消息···

iPhone　３G　已经面市了！！！！

现在世界的每一个角落想必一定是在抢购它吧！我自己也要买一个白色的！可惜的是只有新电信的用户才能把iPhone的功能发挥出来。我这个M1 用户根本分不到一杯耕。我想这下子新电信一定会收到很多“逃兵”吧！是我的话，我也会因为iPhone转换通讯服务公司的。

现在我只需要等老天爷降下钞票给我了！哈哈哈。

林依晨！！

哦天！我坠入爱河了！

刚刚看完了《恶作剧之吻２》，觉得林依晨好好好好好可爱喔！

如果我有像她一样的女友，我想我一定会是一个超幸福的男人。


碰巧她在这一张照片里的发型是我超喜欢的。哈哈。

林依晨嫁给我吧！

thoughts.

The days are rolling by without much eventfulness. The date for the closure of this chapter of my life looms closer, and attempts to lengthen it has been coming from so many persons at work. Frankly speaking, I am very tired and jaded from work and really do not wish to continue. Yet, because of the peculiar situation we are in, I guess I could really extend my services for a while more...

For the longest time, I have been waiting for the day when all falls down because I know that this sort of workload is unsustainable.. or at least it is too much to be, yet the day of reckoning and break down never came. Honestly, I am really pretty amazed at my capacity for work. Thank God for His providence and blessings.

However, even though the fort is still being held, I am increasingly feeling the strain in my mind. I haven't been to church for 3 weeks, with this Sunday being the fourth. I haven't went out with my friends for two weeks, and I haven't really had time to think for eons. It's about time I took some time off to sleep, to just walk around, to emo, to stare into blank space, or even to go out with a random girl to feel 幸福.

The vigour I brought to my work so many months ago is all but gone, and I have become a complainsome bitch whom I hate. That is not to say that I am not working as hard, just that I have become more grudging in my belief that I should do everything to the best of my abilities. It's a difficult principle to work by and I am barely hanging on. I need someone to whine to, yet I need to be steel and stable and the pillar upon which so many rely on.

I think I have reached a conclusion: that I will not extend my service any longer. I will still go back to help, but I don't believe it is in the best interests of anyone that I stay beyond my time. Perhaps this is the only way out. I only pray that my understudy would be a hardworking and humble one who is willing to learn and empathise...

Lord, please allow me to rest.

One down, two more to go!

The Exercise is finally over and there is finally some time to gather my thoughts and blog.

Right this moment, I still have auditors on my arse and paperwork the height of Mt Everest to clear. But I am choosing not to think of them. It's pretty amazing how my maxim of taking one step at a time has been working for so long. As the Chinese say, the boat straightens itself once it reaches the bridge. Thank God that I have gone through so much and yet am still living, possibly even "thriving" in the work sense.

I realised how much I have changed over the months since the last exercise til now. My mentality has changed. I was once hands on and believed that I can and should do everything that my men are doing. Now I have learnt that as a Commander, one must stay above the fray and give directions as to what your subordinates have to do. It's not an easy thing to do, since you see your men working so hard, yet are unable to help them. I hate being a bystander, yet at the same time, it didn't seem appropriate for me to do the work, lest they not grow.

It's quite a dichotomy for me because I wonder sometimes if I have slackened and probably just didn't want to get my hands dirty, so to speak. I guess there's a little of both.

At the same time, I have managed to see through this exercise, who are the people who can really work, and what is the true nature of each of the men. There were instances to show their differences and chances for them to mend their fences, which I thought was great for our general health. No better way to work things out!

It has been tiring, but hey, it's over =) I'm just left with foot rot and a lot of stores to clear.. But come on.. it's finally finally over.

Now all there's left is aussie.. Just bring it!

The older I become, the more immune I am to my feelings. I have reached a whole new level, where I am able to deny what I feel. The once familiar thumps and affectations are no longer there, replaced by a placidity and a cool knowledge of what the real world really is like. No more majestic ideals of a life I once dreamt of.

No more pipe dreams about marrying the woman of my dreams and having kids and just living well. Just knowing that I have to find the best way to live my life, and that I have to decide now how my life is going to turn out. I am no longer a kid, and it's about time I stopped indulging in the toys of my teenagehood. I have to be sure of what I want and just go for it.

Yet, is what we want what we really need?

Sign on.

It seems like I only blog on Saturdays or Sundays lately. What to do? I am a busy man. Hahas.. Work is not as bad as before, now that my heavy burden, the LRI, is over. Did I mention we got an 'A' grading? Muahahahahas..

You know, I have been seriously thinking through the idea of signing on in the Army. And I talked to quite a number of people this weekend about it. It seems like the negativity and objection about it wasn't as strong as I expected.

What made me seriously consider was what MAJ Leo said to me a few days back, "You know, I'm not a Christian, but this is what Christians call God giving you a sign" in response to my complaint that every single soul I meet is asking me to sign on. Even the ES helpdesk people. I was just struck by that statement because he has no idea that I am a Christian.

Thinking about it, I would have nothing much to lose. The Army would pay for my studies, and I will just be bonded for 4 - 6 years. Sure, the idea seems dreary, especially when everyone else ORDs... but. I don't know.. I'll still take time to think about it. But I am quite interested to find out what the Army can offer me...

Should I?