I am starting to think seriously that all my overworking has to stop. It has lasted for too long and I am starting to feel both physically, emotionally and psychological exhausted. The respite that I had been waiting for never did come, and by the way things are going, the tempo promises to climb to a fatal pace.

I can't seem to find a way out though. I am predisposed to doing what I have to do. I just can't be like others who can just not care. I am just not that kind of person. Even if it might be out of the way for me to do something, I will still do it within my means. I do catch myself wishing I were otherwise though.. wishing that it would not weigh so heavily on me.

I can feel it already. The drag in my feet, the lack of enthusiasm in dealing with the problems with my servicemen. I am slowly falling apart, almost as if I'm just waiting for the day I break down. I only hope I would be able to hold it all until I ORD.

God give me strength!

ohfiveassixaye class gathering!

We finally had a gathering! Thanks to me =)

The response was quite good, with 11 people coming. What more could I ask eh? It was a good time playing basketball again just like old times, and it was very reminiscent to see the tiles which they made us do in JC2.

I realised that most of my memories in JC are of kayaking. I really miss everyone and the feeling of kayaking! Unfortunately work has been relentless and sucky. How I wish everything would end soon!!! Urgh. I don't want any more audits, inspections or exercises!

Anyways, we had a sushi buffet, and shopping today.. Eventually went to Rochor for tau huay too.. So I would say that this was a successful gathering! =) yayness.

遗失的美好

如果要我说我这一生最快乐的时光的话，我肯定会说是中三和中四的时候。当时的我还好单纯，还相信只要自己努力地奋斗，一切就会垂手可得。当时的我还相信着爱的存在，它超越一切的能力。

脑海里还能看见当时的我们，为了小品付出了不少心思，排练了好久，终于得了冠军。也是在中三的时候，我真真正正地爱上了第一个女生。回想起来好好笑喔！当时的我也没有为生活想太多，一心只是想玩，想享受这一分这一秒。那时多么灿烂的时光啊！

不知何时，我的人生观改变了。我变得沉默，悲观。我开始想像人生一切的无奈。压力也因为如此而增加。现在我也摆脱不了这种想法了。多么想时光倒流啊！但是真的会有不同吗？也许我是应该更勇敢的。

现在我只能好好地活下去。一个人好好地珍惜我的所有。现在也是美好的！

I just ate a Couple's Meal from KFC Delivery all by myself. That meant a Zinger Burger, 2 pieces of Crispy Chicken, a small popcorn chicken, a medium coleslaw and a medium whipped potato. Is that crazy or what?! Blame it on my laziness to go downstairs to buy food and on KFC to not offer ala carte stuff. Argh. Carbs! Calories! FAT!!!

So there has been alot alot of comments lately on how fat I have become. As you know, I KNOW. It's really bad because I wake up with backaches and I get tired during late afternoon. It's horrendous. Now I know how it feels to be fat!

Okay, so I am not uber fat like how others are, but it's already getting quite unbearable. I shall take up an active interest in cutting down all this flab! Bleh.

The day before the day before work.

The day went by swiftly =/ I had hoped that the weekend would last longer. I sort of envisioned myself sitting in Cafe Galilee in the Esplanade Library sipping [hopefully now] good coffee and watching the Singapore River go by..

Well, unfortunately I woke up only at 11.30am and ended up playing Dynasty Warriors 6 and surfing the net. Talk about wasting time! And I eventually met up with Chow since we haven't met up for quite a while.

I was really reminded of why we didn't meet up for so long. No offence, Chow, but I think lately I haven't been able to get used to the air of indignation you bring around with you. It's tiresome. And after a whole week of slogging my ass off, the last thing I would want is to hear bitching and denouncing others just to make yourself feel good. Bleh. Hope you understand.

Anyway! I finally bought Sara Bareilles' CD, Little Voice. Gravity Gravity Gravity!! I also bought Breakfast at Tiffany's just to see what's so great about Audrey Hepburn that has the whole world raving about her. I haven't watched it yet though.. I did watch "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". Ahh.. Majestic Love. Hahas.

Right. Now now, what should I do tomorrow to suspend this time I have away from work?

The feeling of confusion and butterflies last week are all but gone. Nothing a healthy dose of overworking and stress can't kill eh.

It's just as well.

The gold-dust mania at church has been weighing quite heavily on my heart. It seems like we are focusing so much on the signs and wonders and forgetting the real message that Jesus brings: Love.

It was with curiosity at first that I started looking up websites about the Toronto Blessing and Lakeland Revival that Pastors were talking about. And I got quite horrified by what I found. Most of the things that I have found about Todd Bentley and the Lakeland Revival have been negative. Some even going into how he is a false prophet and is involved in the occult. Reading on, it becomes very very scary, what with money giving angels and trying to eat the Fruit of Life.

What does this hold for our own church? How much do our pastors know about this? Or are we too blinded by revival? What happened to everything having a biblical backing and following biblical patterns? There is no mention of gold dust in the bible. In fact, God asks us not to chase after gold or silver. Neither is there any mention of God manifesting himself through laughter...

Am I too disbelieving or....

My Death.

There are 2 ways that I think I will die of during times when I imagine my death:
1. By being hit by a car
2. By bursting a blood vessel in my brain.

I tend to think of the second one when I get migraines. I have a migraine now. Ms Tan, my Primary 3 form teacher had migraines too. She died of an aneurysm.

Don't you sometimes wonder who will be at your funeral? Hopefully mine will be a Christian one even though I would be too dead to stop my dad from holding a Taoist Buddhist Whatever-the-crap-he-believes-in one.

I would request for a closed coffin because I always hated looking at dead people's faces. They don't even look like themselves! What is the comfort in reaffirming that your loved one is very very much dead - and fugly dead at that?

Anyways, the question was who will be there? I can imagine The Gang. Definitely Pamela. Perhaps some OG friends. Then maybe some classmates. Would people fly back from overseas?

What would my eulogy sound like? "An average joe who lived his life and loved his friends. He likes everything loud and cult symbols like Macs, Vespas and Mini Coopers. Funny guy - actually not really. Well, we'll miss him!"

Just before I die, I will say something cool like "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". Then hopefully people will smile and remember me always as the weird awkward crazy guy.

I'd grow wings and watch my body being cremated as people watch on. My ashes will be scattered into the wind, hoping to bless each of my loved ones.

And they will miss me for a while, but realise that the world doesn't stop spinning. And they shouldn't stop tooo. Then they will forget me. But I would be happy for them. Content just to watch from afar.

And over time I will fade. When all has become blurry images in their minds. I will rest until I awaken again, and then, we will see each other again.

To love once more.

REMEMBER THIS!

I suddenly got it like how I suddenly got it the last time until I lost it! Hahas. I'm writing this down so that I'll remember. Get it?!

ColorGenics thingie stolen from Pam's blog.

Name: Mr Suan
Date: 7/4/2008
Colorgenics Number: 41325067

---

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

I am actually kinda surprised that this is very true. Hahas.

我好想去台湾喔～！昨天开始看了《恶作剧之吻》，觉得林依晨好好好可爱喔！我要去台湾见她！

还记得去年到台湾的时候，真的有好多东西看，好多东西买耶。特别是他们的游乐场超好玩的！女生又超赞！哈哈＝）

我要去台湾！