sunday blues.

It's already Sunday and I am dreading the return to my work. My endless work. It has been days and days of working past eleven o'clock or staying over, and I just hope I can find some kind of rest from it all after the Inspection.

To speak the truth, this was nothing I expected when I was still in 5th LOCC. I knew it would be a hard road, but I always imagined some sort of encouragement. Now that I am actually in my job, I realise it's a cheerless job. Don't expect your boss to praise or encourage you, because you are merely doing your job. If you screw up, it's your fault and you deserve to be sarcastically reprimanded. Politics. I'm so tired of it all.

Just returned home from going to my grandmother's house. We went to the temple to pray to my grandfather before Chinese New Year. Isn't it ironic? A Christian going to a temple instead of church on a Sunday morning. I just couldn't refuse my mother... I haven't been to Grandma's for weeks now, so if I can go, I will.

I heard from Mum that my brother thinks that I don't care about going to visit Grandma and only about going out and having fun. What does he know? She remembers his name. She doesn't give a blank look to him. Perhaps it's a vicious cycle. The more I don't go, the more she doesn't remember... But. I just can't stand it. I especially hate it when my uncle asks her if she remembers my name, as if he has to emphasise the fact that she doesn't.

I need to get out somehow. All this is killing me.

work worries.

I feel an urge to write a real blog entry because the past two entries have been so brief and uninformative. Truthfully, I have been feeling quite heavyhearted since work started. There's just no more fun and joy!

I have been having some problems with my men. Most of them seem to be taking long MCs, or just finding excuses to go on off and slacking when we actually have a lot of work to do. The inspection is coming really soon, and we have an exercise coming up. I am feeling a lot of the stress piling. To make it worse, I am also feeling the usual 'my social circle is shrinking' syndrome again. I want to go out and have fun!!

Just today, I got reminded that I should seek God in my work to find joy. I need to learn to see where God is working in my life and my job so that I can obey and go with His flow. Just exactly how to do that, I don't know yet. I plan to just be more observant and be more present when working so that I will have to situational awareness. Hm.

I miss a good telephone chat. HAIX. Seems like there's so much for me to say. I want to have a good full rest. And I've only just started!

I am really stressing out because of work lately. It seems like there's just so much to do, and so little time. It also feels like people expect so much of me and life is different from the other Second Lefts because I am the QM.

Haix. It's not easy being a commander. I want to have time to slack off too, you know.. but I can't. Army be over quickly leh!!!

i guess there is no other way.

i have got to become a fucker.

bloody stinky cheesebuns...

the last week.

Tomorrow would mark the first day of OFFICIAL WORK. That means no help from upper study. That means taking over that mountain of work on my own! I feel like I know how to do some of the stuff, but seems like there are alot more things I do not know. Man..

The last week was kind of stressful, because my upper study is kind of depressive... He slides into sudden silences and moody expressions. Really quite scary. I figured since everyone said I was emo, I would have been able to handle another emo person. But wah.. I have finally seen the true face of EMO.

Last week was also the week that MAJ Jason Tan passed away. Sometimes life is just unpredictable like that. We just went to Taiwan with him 2 months ago, and now he's gone. And he was really a Mr Nice Guy. I guess it's true that good men die young. Haix.

I signed for my Basic Theory Test, by the way... but I have to wait till March to take it. But it's really quite sad that I don't have the money to buy a carrr... Haix.... Maybe I should really go for a bike. Should I?

Aiyah.. See first lah

day one at work.

The first real day at work was pretty fruitful. We've started the Handing Over/Taking Over process, and I feel like I am getting to know my men better.

You know, a few days back I prayed to God about getting to know my men better right before I went to work. I was thinking that I really needed to know them and for them to get to know me because I am the kind of person who doesn't really know how to talk cock.

Just nice that day both the RQ and QM were on leave and off, and the platoon didn't have much to do. I got a chance to sit them down to have a chit-chat session to find out about their families and all. Quite alright lah.. At least it was a start. =) Thank God!

I now only hate myself for feeling so anti-social and not knowing how to initiate conversations and to introduce myself. I'm just freaked out about talking to others I don't know. Hmm. Help me Lord! If even that can be overcomed, I think I've pretty much nailed the person aspect of being a QM.

Hope that tomorrow would be a better day!

tickle me emo.

There are rare times when I feel crap lonely. And somehow everyone ignores me at such points of time. It's like you have something you feel like saying yet have no one to say to. Maybe that's why I like to go out more than stay home.. It feels better to be around people and to be talking than to be stoning at home and waiting for things to happen.

You know, maybe I'm not a very good friend at all.. I'm quite terrible at keeping friends I think. I get too jaded and tired too easily. Haix. Emo again. This means that I should be sleeping ba........

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Hey hey hey!! OMG it's 2008!

Here's wishing everyone a Happy New Year ahead! Those studying, study hard. Those working (like me =( ) Work hard!! Those just lazing around.. well. Get your arse off the chair and go find some productive thing to do!

I'm actually playing mahjong at Pam's. Hahas.. Quite fun eh... I shall get back to win more chips!